Riverdale

My immediate colleagues are two dudes, one of whom works here in Munich with me and the other of whom works in our office in London. It's sort of difficult to collaborate with someone over skype, but we make it work, communicating mostly via stupid youtube videos of cats.

At work, I have to sound British, at least in print. I've mostly mastered their odd spellings of things; however, there are lots of moments in which the guys will say something like "All right, I'll check your newsletter, on it like a car bonnet," and I will be like, "Okay..." and they will go "OH NO, JESS DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A CAR BONNET IS!" and then Google image search will save me.

On occasion, it works the other way. Very often there is some American thing that applies perfectly to the situation at hand, but when I try to reference it - say, the 35W bridge collapse, or some idiocy of the Republican party - I am greeted with blank stares.

My one colleague works completely alone in our office in London. We're going to eventually hire more people, but for now it's just a room with four desks. We always joke that, because he's alone in the room, he probably doesn't actually have to wear pants. (Except pants, for the British, are underwear, so instead I say "jeans".) In particular, I say I have this image of him just sitting in his chair, eating a slice of pizza and wearing a paper crown. It is very vivid in my mind.

And then yesterday, just as we were coming back from lunch, I realized why. It is because he looks EXACTLY LIKE the character Jughead.

You know, from Archie! Archie comics! I loved Archie comics as a kid, despite their repetitive storylines, unrealistic breast sizes on females, and tenuous grip on reality. I assumed everyone did.

"Who's Jughead?" my in-the-office colleague asked.

 

SERIOUSLY?

"Just... just google!" I said, and he did, and he said "Oh my God, it is! It's him!" and we marvelled for a minute at the spitting image of my other colleague that had appeared on both of our screens.

And then he said, "Wait, well, I suppose that's me."

 

And holy shit, my other colleague is pretty much Archie. He has the same genial attitude and fiery red hair. He is even dating a blonde girl who has a Bettyish charm.

It is extraordinary. I was too excited, I wanted to tell the world, and then I realized that there was absolutely nobody at work - I am the only American and the only person who has ever conceivably read the terribleness that is Archie comics. Nobody else would find this as charming as I found it (although the two British guys were pretty chuffed).

I sort of just writhed in agony and then said "Oh well..." and went back to my usual buzzing productivity.

America.